Linda Johnson (Setting Boundaries)
Life coach Linda explains why healthy boundaries are vital for safety, comfort, and authentic self-expression. She explores physical, emotional, and social boundaries, offering pra...
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How Can You Practice and Build Confidence in Setting Boundaries?
You can do it. Practise. Practise with a friend, an accountability partner. Practise on your phone practise in the mirror. The first boundary you set will be the door that opens it up to the rest. You did it and you'll feel safer, you'll feel confident, and you can truly be yourself.
How Do You Know When a Boundary Has Been Crossed?
We're not even aware that we need a boundary sometimes until it has been crossed. And when it's been crossed, we're not necessarily aware of what's happening, but we just know that we're having a reaction that could be described as an emotional allergic reaction. And when that's happening, there's a knot in your stomach you want to pull back, you don't know why you're feeling uncomfortable. Probably a boundary needs to be established in that case. Oftentimes, what makes it difficult to say no is the relationship that we have with the boundary breaker. They may be in a position of power over you. They might be in a relationship that's close to you, and so the stakes are higher. They might be an intimate partner, so setting boundaries either short of or including cutting off the relationship may be difficult as well.
What Are Some Ways to Say No?
What are some of the things that you can do? How do you say no in certain situations? How do you set limits that are comfortable, especially if you haven't done it before? Well, of course you can simply say no, but it's not that simple. Sometimes you might say, I prefer not to. The question might be, can you carry this water for me another two miles like you have been the last three weeks? No, I prefer not to. Can I have money? No. I'd rather not lend you money at this time, or I'm no longer doing that. You might get pushback. As a matter of fact, I can guarantee you're going to get pushback. So you can say, yes, this is a different behaviour, but I have chosen, or I've decided, or at this point I'm no longer doing that behaviour. Make sure that your face and body language are congruent with your message. If you're saying no, don't let that tone go up at the end. No, I'd rather not do it. I'd rather that you stop it. No, I'd rather not do it. I'm no longer tolerating this. Be aware of that. Be aware of your facial expression. If you're saying no, you may not have a grin from ear to ear. There's a way that we might do our eyebrows that look like we're almost apologising. No need to never feel a need to apologise. You're getting pushback. Reiterate, no, I'm not doing that anymore. I'd rather not.